Visit Vietnamese Wedding

Q: Next September, I am going to visit my Vietnamese colleague’s wedding. Having just come here, I am also new to Vietnamese customs. Can Travellive introduce me some traditional wedding rituals and give me some suggestions for wedding gifts? Can I go to the wedding with a partner? Thank you!

Alex (English)

A: Hi Alex! The wedding that you are going to visit is one of three most important rituals of a Vietnamese wedding. Including:

- A date: The groom’s family goes to the bride’s home to ask permission for a wedding.

- An engagement: The groom’s family brings betrothal gifts to the bride’s family. Betrothal gifts follow odd numbers (5 trays, 7 trays, 9 trays) are composed of betel and areca, a pig’s head, green rice flake cakes, tea, cigarettes, lotus seeds and wine. Single boys dressing in white shirts will bring these trays to single girls dressing in red ao dai of the bride’s family. The bride and the groom will stand in front of their ancestor’s altar and pray.

- A wedding: This is a party to treat relatives, friends and guests.

Besides, there are some other rituals such as bringing the bride home (the groom’s family brings the bride home) and newly-weds’ first visit to the bride’s family (on the wedding day’s morrow). However, it depends on the two families’ conditions that these rituals can be lengthened or shortened for the best of both families.

On the wedding day: The bride, the groom and their parents stand at the entrance to welcome guests. Before the ceremony, the bride and the groom exchange their rings and pour out wine. There are also many families that give their children dowries in this ceremony. During the party, the bride and the groom will go to each table to toast and say thank you to their guests.

Nowadays, wedding ceremony is simpler. Many well-off families can hold 2-3 parties on different days for different guests (relatives, friends, colleagues or classmates). According to Nguyen Phuong Lai, the manager of Sum Villa restaurant, a buffet is the most popular choice in these days. This kind of party is suitable for 50-150 guests with 30-50 dishes while there are only 7-12 dishes in a table of a usual party. In addition, guests can both enjoy the ceremony and dance or talk conveniently.

Some notes when taking part in a Vietnamese wedding

- Gifts: These days, guests often give the couple an amount of money put into an envelope enclosed with their congratulations. When coming to the wedding, you put this envelope into a red heart-shape box which is put right at the entrance. You should give this money before or during the ceremony becasome Vietnamese couples considered it as a taboo after their wedding. Many weddings are held by both the bride and the groom’s families, so remember to put your envelope in the right box.

You can also give the couple a gift. It may be furniture such as a crystal vase or a picture.

- You can completely go with your friend. Vietnamese people are very hospitable to warmly welcome both of you. In case you go there alone, you will be arranged to sit at the same table with guests who are able to speak English.